33 Things I've Learned

Birthdays are times to take stock, to evaluate where we stand, where we've been, where our lives are going. I thought it might be appropriate to mark my 33rd birthday by sharing 33 things I've learned over those years. This list should not be construed as connecting to each year of life--number 7 is not the thing I learned the year that I was 7. Nor is it a ranked list. Number 1 should not be considered as more important than number 33, but both of those are probably more importnat than number 3. Some of it might be considered deep or thoughtful. Much of it is halfway to foolish and I make no apologies for that. Some of the items may be immediately applicable to your life. Some of them will make so little sense to you that it will annoy you the rest of the day.

If you recognize some of this wisdom, please be flattered, not offended in the case that it came from you personally. That means you've instructed me or played a significant role in my life. I'm not stealing from you (this time, see number 15). I'm acknowledging what you've given to me with gratitude. Where I am using quotations from others, I've tried to attribute them as best I can.

1. A happy wife is a happy life
2. "Time will heal all wounds but until then you will bleed profusely." Julius Caye
3. Don't drink grape juice with tomato soup.
4. A lot of the time, I speak more loudly than I think I am.
5. "What mommies and daddies think is warm, kids think is HOT!" - Riley Forster
6. Even the most thoughtful, beautiful, wonderful, loving women in the world are sometimes incapable of putting jelly on toast or a bagel without making a complete mess.
7. The Enemy likes to use our areas of greatest giftedness as the most effective avenue to great temptation.
8. I am not six minutes older than everyone else my age (a rude awakening I experienced around the age of 8).
9. Wearing a "Caveman in a Bag" costume while barefoot and walking around on flagstone in New Haven, CT on Halloween night is NOT a good idea.
10. Ten years later, you will always look back at yourself and realize how little you knew.
11. Cheesecake never tastes quite as good as it sounds or looks.
12. Vacation truly means having no idea what time of day it is and not caring.
13. Like all other forms of intolerance, Lactose Intolerance is a disease of denial.
14. We are far more selfish than any of us likes to admit.
15. Wisdom borrows. Genius steals.
16. No event in life has meaning more fleeting than taking the SAT
17. No email is clever enough in its content to justify forwarding it to Tim Miller.
18. Sledding down a grassy hill on a cardboard box after all the snow has melted almost always leads to your home being burglarized.
19. Family traditions are easily created and hard to break.
20. ."The best thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother." - a great quote attributed to many people, so I'm not sure of the original author of this one.
21. Birthdays drop significantly in their importance after 21. After 25, the only ones that really matter for the rest of your life are 50 and 100.
22. If you have the choice of buying a child a sleek and expensive toy or simply handing them a cardboard box and asking what can be done with it that would be fun, go with the cardboard box every time, but only if you're prepared to stick around for whatever is fun.
23. I do my best work when under pressure.
24. Rarely do people or institutions conspire nearly as much as we give them credit for.
25. "I am the Way, the Truth and the Life. No one comes to the Father except through Me." -Jesus
26. The greatest movies and TV shows ever produced during your childhood were full of bad acting, predictable dialog and completely weak special effects. For me, this list includes but is not limited to: the Star Wars Trilogy, the Dukes of Hazzard, Chips, and the Dark Crystal.
27. A favorite shirt is like a truly good friend. They should not be taken for granted and there's nothing quite as comfortable as being close to them.
28. The story of Lance Phondjo could quite possibly represent the single most ingenious use of one of those felt letter boards in the history of humanity.
29. One of the requirements of deep friendship may be hearing the words "I hate you" at 7 o'clock in the morning.
30. Happiness can be found at many tables provided three things are present: Crab Rangoon, Boneless Spare Ribs and my friend, General Tsao.
31. Writing a witty birthday list on very little sleep is harder than you think.
32. Sharing any gift that's been given to you is far more rewarding than hoarding it for yourself.
33. "For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart." --God